


The Castle

by ptyx



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-10
Updated: 2005-05-15
Packaged: 2017-10-11 15:35:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ptyx/pseuds/ptyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hogwarts was destroyed during the war. The Wizarding World has changed. Snape and Harry work together to preserve the magical traditions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sealcat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Sealcat).



> Betaed by Charlie B. and Spinning Compass.

**The Castle**

 

**Prologue**

 

The war was claiming the lives of hundreds of wizards and destroying the Wizarding World. Severus was exhausted, at the end of his strength. His two "masters" demanded the maximum of him, all the time. He would have to continue to perform his mission until the end: it was his destiny as an accomplished spy.

As Dumbledore was always busy planning general strategies and working to put every piece in its right place at the right time, he had assigned to Severus the task of assisting Harry Potter, instructing him on the Dark Lord's weaknesses and strengths, and teaching him everything he needed to learn to defend himself and attack his opponent.

Potter was drained, clearly falling apart too. Severus had never known how to be kind; his way of spurring Potter on had always been harsh and severe, and their relationship had never been an easy one. Despite the respect Potter had for him now, their disputes were frequent.

However, in recent days Potter didn't seem to have the energy even to argue. He would accept Severus's words without question, and seemed to have become attached to Severus in a strange, perhaps sick way.

Severus didn't know what to do. Noticing that the more he pushed, the more Potter looked downcast, Severus reduced the pressure on him. Potter couldn't succumb now, when the end was getting near.

Finally, the Dark Lord decided to attack Hogwarts. He had deemed himself strong enough to overcome the Castle's defences. Severus reported the Death Eaters' plans to the Orders.

On the eve of the attack, Harry Potter knocked on the door of Severus's private quarters in the dungeons, and when Severus opened it, he flung himself into his arms. Potter was only a few inches shorter than he was. With his heart beating fast, Severus held Potter against his body.

"It's my last night. I don't know if we'll be alive tomorrow. I want you. Take me, please."

Severus was not completely taken by surprise, and attributed Potter's behaviour to adolescent hormones and the extreme tension in which he was living.

Severus had never felt attracted to anyone as intensely as he was to Potter. He used to admire strength and power in other wizards, and respect them when they deserved to be respected. As hard as he might find it, life had forced him to get accustomed to those situations. Severus admired Harry Potter's power and - he was loath to admit it - courage, but what made him feel differently about Harry was that Harry aroused his protective instincts. His feelings for Harry were changing into something more complex and dangerous. Potter was his student, young enough to be his son, and wasn't in his right senses. If Severus took advantage of him, his conscience, already tormented by his past errors, would never be at ease.

So he firmly pushed Potter away by his shoulders. "Potter, go back to your dormitory. We will survive."

"No, don't make me go! I can feel you want me too."

"You are my student, and have been under a high amount of stress. Later you will see I am right."

Severus saw Potter walk away, his shoulders hunched down. As soon as the door shut behind the boy, Severus wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes. He still could feel the boy's smell on his robes.

Harry. A surge of regret hit him. He had wanted to protect the boy, because deep inside he was sure he, Severus, wasn't going to survive the next day. Perhaps he had acted wisely, but at that moment Severus bitterly regretted his decision.


	2. Chapter 1

**The Castle**

 

**Chapter I**

 

One Year After

 

Harry was returning to the British Wizarding World after a year travelling around Europe. At the end of the war, Harry had felt the need to put a distance between himself and the rest of the Wizarding World; otherwise, he wouldn't be able to overcome his depression.

The carnage of the final months of war had affected everyone profoundly. It hadn't been easy to lose Dumbledore, McGonagall, Bill Weasley... But the worst for Harry had been the last battle: he had managed to defeat Voldemort, but only because Ron had jumped in front of Harry to protect him in the most decisive moment. Ron, his best friend, had died to save him. This Harry couldn't accept, neither back then, nor now.

Harry had felt bad for having left his surviving friends, but what could he have done for them? The Weasleys were drowning in the pain of their loss, and the presence of the one responsible for one of those deaths wouldn't make things easier for them. Hermione had left for Bulgaria with Viktor, who had fought in the war on the side of the Order. Remus had disappeared. Hogwarts had been completely destroyed.

As for Snape, Harry hadn't had the courage to face him again. The way Snape had rejected him on the eve of the final battle had shattered him. That was another reason why Harry had had to leave. It would have been too painful to see Snape again.

He had had pleasant moments in his trip; he had seen beautiful and interesting places, but the pain had always been there. During the three weeks he had spent with Hermione and Viktor in Bulgaria, he had even had a boyfriend. Anton, Viktor's cousin, was kind and understanding, and a good lover. But when the feeling of emptiness had become too intense, Harry had decided it was time to go back. He wanted to work in the Wizarding World. He still didn't know what he could do; now that he had defeated Voldemort, the Wizarding Word didn't have any use for the Boy-Who-Lived.

However, when he arrived at Hogsmeade and rented a room in a cheap hotel, he discovered that everything had changed. Devastated by the war and disappointed with itself, the Wizarding World, under the direction of the new Minister for Magic, Arthur Weasley, had moved closer to the Muggle World and - partly out of necessity, but also in search of new resources and ideas - had adopted many of its ways. Theoretically, the idea seemed good: to combine the best of the two worlds. And it seemed to be working. But Harry couldn't adapt to this new world.

With the destruction of Hogwarts, the children now studied in smaller schools, in ordinary buildings spread through the village. The old teachers had retired, and without them the traditions seemed to be quickly fading away. Quidditch was still played, but with new rules designed to reduce violence, and Muggle sports like football, rugby and golf were becoming popular among the wizards. The Muggle technology, with its ephemeral glitter and persistent noise, had conquered Hogsmeade, now crammed with televisions, computers, mobile phones...

For a month Harry wandered through Hogsmeade. He visited a few of his surviving friends: Seamus was married and teaching Charms in a school; Neville owned an Apothecary, where he would sell herbs, potions ingredients and potions on demand. Everybody seemed, if not happy, at least settled down. And Harry felt even more out of place than he had felt in Europe.

No news about Snape. Not that Harry had asked about him. But he also wasn't able to suppress the wish to know where he was and what he was doing.

Harry missed Hogwarts so much that he decided to go the site where the Castle used to be. He didn't feel willing to go and visit the cemeteries where his friends who had died in the war were buried, but to visit the ruins of Hogwarts seemed to him an appropriate way of mourning his friends and an era that had come to an end.

He decided to make the trip on his old Firebolt, in memory of the good old days. He had a shiny new broom, but the Firebolt, Sirius's present, was still his favourite.

After several minutes flying over the green fields and forests of Scotland - it was the end of Spring - Harry saw the outline of the high mountain at whose summit the castle, with its many turrets and towers, used to perch. The black lake still bathed its base, but only scattered stones remained at its top.

Harry passed over what used to be the tall stone pillars of the gates of Hogwarts, the winged boars that once flanked them had now fallen to the ground and had broken into pieces.

Soaring over the black lawns, he saw the Whomping Willow to his right, still proudly spreading its branches in every direction. It felt like meeting an old friend again.

The Forbidden Forest was still there, just like it had always been, thick and impenetrable.

Harry felt his heart sink as he saw the empty place where Hagrid's hut had once been. His good friend had been one of the first casualties of the war. He planned to go there later, but first he wanted to walk through the ruins of the Castle.

Looking down, he saw only scattered stones. Harry pointed his Firebolt towards the ground and landed.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing besides shattered stones. Harry set his broom against a block of black stone. This was where the Entrance Hall had been. At his right, the Great Hall, with the four house tables. At his left, the ground floor classrooms. In front of him, the staircases leading up to the first floor, and down to the first dungeon level, the kitchens and Hufflepuff Common Room.

At his feet, Harry saw a piece of one of the two armour suits that had guarded the oak front doors. He bent to grab the fragment. When he stood up, holding it in his hands, he felt a presence behind him, and instinctively took out his wand, ready to turn around.

"Mr Potter."

Harry nearly fainted in shock. But when he turned and recognised the slender and gloomy figure of his former Potions master, in his sombre black robes, his heart began to beat wildly.

"Snape!"

Harry had the sudden impulse to hug him, but no, that was Snape. He would probably hex him if Harry tried to touch him.

"To what do I owe the dubious pleasure of your visit?" Snape asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Nice to see you again, Professor," said Harry, lowering his wand.

"I'm not your professor any more. Not every misfortune is eternal." Snape sounded annoyed, but also expectant, perhaps even nervous.

"Er... What do you mean, 'visit'? Unless I've become a Muggle and can't see the Castle any more, this is only a heap of ruins!"

"You are jumping to rash conclusions, as always, Potter."

"Why are you saying that?"

Snape seemed hesitant. Then he spun around in his trademark swirl of robes. Flicking his wand, Snape murmured a few words, in a low tone. Harry approached, and saw a hole opening in the ground in front of him.

"The staircase... to the dungeons!" Harry looked at his former teacher. "Do you live down there?"

Snape started to go downstairs.

"Follow me." A few steps down, he turned around. "Bring your broom with you. As the place is no longer inhabited, a few creatures of the Forest are beginning to venture in here. It's not safe."

Harry went back to fetch his Firebolt and then followed Snape down the stairs. The darkness was almost total.

"Lumos!" said Severus, still in the staircase, and the tip of his wand lit up.

Harry. It was hard to believe that Harry could be there. It was hard to believe that anyone could be there. Snape had been living on the Castle's site since the end of the war, a year ago, and nobody else had gone there. Except Dobby, of course. But Dobby was a house-elf, not a human being.

Not that Severus preferred human beings.

Harry. How dared he come back, after... But no. He hadn't come back to see him. He hadn't even known Severus lived there. Severus told himself he needed to calm down and keep control.

When he arrived at the foot of the staircase, he turned around. Harry was looking astonished. The Bloody Baron had just passed by them.

"Come, Potter. Don't tell me you are afraid of ghosts."

Harry was gaping at him. Severus led him through the corridors, opening the doors one by one so that Harry could see inside the rooms. When Severus arrived in front of the hidden door, he stopped and said, "Noble Purpose!"

The door opened. Severus held it and made a subtle gesture with his head for Harry to enter.

It was the Slytherin Common Room, with its low ceiling and greenish torchlight.

"But... everything is intact!" Harry exclaimed.

"The same freezing, cavernous rooms, you mean."

"Oh, I don't mind. For the first time since I returned to Britain I feel at home."

Severus widened his eyes at his former student - who had become a rather attractive man, by the way. He hadn't become taller since the last time they had seen each other, but his muscles were now well defined, and he had developed a tan. Of all the absurd things Harry Potter could have said, that was the most unexpected: to call the dungeons and especially the Slytherin Common Room home! "I'll take you to my office, Potter."

Harry smiled, and something flared inside Severus. How disturbing. Just a few minutes near Harry Potter and his feelings were already in turmoil. Surely that was due to the fact that he had been living alone for a long time.

Severus opened his office door and, once again, stepped to the side to let Harry enter.

Harry seemed to marvel at the same jars that once had made him wrinkle his nose in disgust. He must be hopelessly insane. There couldn't be another explanation. He seemed happy now, unlike a few minutes ago, when Severus had sighted him from a distance, walking through the ruins of the Castle, looking so sad that Severus had surrendered to the impulse to go and talk to him.

"I'm so happy the dungeons have survived!"

"Have a seat," said Severus, leading Harry to a more intimate area near the fireplace and pointing him to the sofa. "I don't have pumpkin juice here. Would you like a drink?"

Harry sat down. "How can you live here? Where do you get your food?"

"I will answer your questions later, as soon as I can serve a drink. I believe I still have a bottle of Ogden's Old..."

"Oh, I'd love to have a glass of Ogden's Old."

A year ago, he wouldn't have been allowed to give Harry a glass of Firewhisky. Did the young man know how to drink? Just in case, Severus would serve it with toast. Toast and... kipper paste. He opened his cupboard and took out what he needed. He poured the Firewhisky, conjured an ice cube in each glass, put everything on a tray and carried it to an old table beside the sofa where Harry was seated.

His glass in his hands, Severus sat in an armchair facing Harry and sipped his Firewhisky, feeling the drink going down his throat and warming him inside. "So, what brings you to this waste land? To this place that holds no interest for the Wizarding World?" Severus asked bitterly.

Harry ran a hand through his hair - which was still unruly, though longer and... silkier. "I don't know... Everything changed so much after the war. I spent a month in Hogsmeade and I couldn't... I couldn't fit in."

Severus shook his glass. "The world we lived in is gone. Now we are in a process of fusion with the Muggles. A sad irony, to think I risked my life for _this_."

Harry sighed, his face acquiring a pained look. "We had to fight, didn't we? If Voldemort..."

"I know," said Severus impatiently. "I'm not questioning that. However, the result is what we are seeing today. Unfortunately."

"The war did this to us. There wasn't another alternative, I know. But it was too painful, and changed every one of us."

"And not everybody could travel the world to forget their pain," Severus snapped.

Harry frowned and banged his glass on the table. "For a while I forgot who I was talking to. You still hate me, don't you? You've always hated me. Even when you're fighting by my side."

Severus felt his blood boil in his veins. "Don't be pretentious. The world doesn't revolve around you."

Harry stood up. "You always told me that, and for no reason at all. You're still very wrong about me, Snape. I should go now. I shouldn't have come. But it was nice to see that..." Harry's voice cracked.

Severus stood up, not knowing what to do. He didn't want Harry to go. He shouldn't have said what he had; he had let himself be swayed by something he thought he had overcome a long time ago. When Harry had gone away to Europe, something had broken inside Severus. He had been a fool, because, deep inside, he had expected Harry to go after him at the end of the war.

He regretted having betrayed himself by saying what he had just said, but he wasn't going to apologise. Severus held Harry by his shoulders. Harry still seemed so fragile, as if he could break in his hands. Even being the most powerful wizard in the world. "Sit down, Potter, don't be foolish." Severus thanked Merlin that Harry complied and sat down again. Harry was staring at him with a strange, hurt look. Severus summoned all his powers of dissimulation to hide how much he was troubled. Putting some distance between him and Harry, he sat in his armchair again. Their eyes met, and Severus grabbed his glass, holding it in front of him as a shield. "I took refuge here after the war. When everyone left, I returned. I had no other place to go, and expected the dungeons would survive: I cast very strong wards here, and what lies beneath the earth is harder to destroy. I wanted to stay away from all that pantomime of medals and celebrations the Ministry promoted. There wasn't anything to celebrate. Only destruction. The time went by, and I decided to stay here."

There was a crystalline sparkle in the green eyes that stared at him, but Severus didn't want Harry's pity.

"And how do you manage to survive..."

"I make potions for an Apothecary in Hogsmeade."

Understanding showed on Harry's face, to Severus's dismay. "Neville!"

"Yes, Longbottom."

Harry dared to smirk. "Oh, I understand. You must find it humiliating to depend on him, after all that..."

"Absolutely not. I'm very proud of my work. Longbottom wouldn't have prospered without my potions."

"I went to visit him. He didn't mention your name."

"I demanded absolute secrecy from him."

"And he still pisses his pants in fear of you."

Severus took a long sip, observing Harry attentively. "That house-elf you freed works for him."

"Dobby. I know!"

"He comes here to take the potions and bring me my payment."

"Do you ever leave this place?"

"Sometimes I have to go to Hogsmeade to buy potions ingredients, food and other items of daily use that I cannot produce here. But most of my food and ingredients come from the greenhouses and Hagrid's garden and hennery." Severus regretted having mentioned the giant's name, for Harry seemed to become even sadder.

The young wizard lowered his head, ran a hand through his hair and then lifted his eyes again. "Greenhouses? Haven't they been destroyed?"

"I've rebuilt them."

Harry nodded and took a sip of his Firewhisky. Then he took a toast. "And this kipper paste?"

"It came from Hogsmeade, naturally. The toasts too. I buy toast instead of bread, because it lasts longer."

Harry was staring at him. Severus began to feel uncomfortable. It had been a long time since he had talked to anyone. On his trips to Hogsmeade, he exchanged a few monosyllables with the clerks and cashiers, and that was all. After all this time, of all the people in the world, why did Harry have to be the first person to come and visit him?

Severus emptied his glass and stood up to fill both glasses. He needed the Firewhisky to feel safer. He had never learnt how to make small talk. Now, he felt he would need to do it, if - for a reason still more obscure - he wanted Harry to remain there longer. "How was your trip?"

"Oh... I saw a lot of interesting places. I went to the Netherlands, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Greece, and finally to Bulgaria. I felt very free and... lonely. Except in Bulgaria, where I stayed with Hermione and Viktor. Well, in a way, I was lonely even there."

Harry had more or less replied to the question Severus would never dare to ask him. A treacherous spark of hope flared inside Severus. He tried to crush it. Hopes had never done him any good. "So your friend Granger married Krum. A valorous boy. Have you visited Durmstrang?"

Yes, Harry had visited Durmstrang, and they talked about Granger's work as Charms teacher and Krum's as Quidditch instructor, and about the way the Dark Arts were taught there. Between glasses of Firewhisky and slices of toast, Harry told him he had been invited to teach there, and had declined. However, due to the recent developments in the British Wizarding World, this alternative had started to seem more appealing.

The Firewhisky was beginning to have an effect, and Severus caught himself devouring Harry with his eyes more than once. "You won't fit in at Durmstrang... They are deceptive and manipulative."

"Cunning and ambitious, like the Slytherins?"

"In a way, but the Slytherins have a stronger spirit of hierarchy and union. Ten points from Gryffindor for insulting my House."

Harry's crystalline laugh filled the room, and Severus felt the corners of his lips turning up, activating a few rusty muscles in an almost painful way.

"But cunning and ambition aren't flaws. I haven't insulted your House."

"Coming from a Gryffindor, it can only be an insult."

"Oh, I understand. You're still biased."

"More than the dungeons remains unchanged here."

But it was a lie. How could Severus have remained unchanged, if his whole world had crumbled? That was only a role he was playing to be able to talk to Harry. It was a role he knew by heart, so it was easy for him to play.

Harry was staring at him again. "I've missed _this_."

A searing heat spread through Severus. He couldn't let himself get caught that way. Perhaps if he summoned all the anger there was inside him he could overcome that moment. Then Harry would become angry too, and he would go, but that was what was going to happen, in the end, no matter what he did. However, when he most needed it, his anger deserted him. Severus stayed quiet and stared back at Harry.

"I think I should go. It's late." Harry looked at his watch. "Oh, damn, it's already nine o'clock! I lost track of the time."

As if waking up from a dream, but not completely, Severus finally reacted. "You can't fly at such late hours, and after all those glasses of Firewhisky. You are going to spend the night here." His own words surprised him, though. What was he doing, inviting Harry to spend the night in his chambers?

Harry sank on the sofa, looking sleepy. "If you don't mind..."

"There is a spare room in the dungeons, but it has been unused for around ten years; no teacher ever wanted to stay here. They find the place too cold and damp. That room is full of doxys and bundimuns. We would have to clean it first."

"Er... this sofa seems good enough."

Severus's heart raced. Should he offer... his bed to Harry? No, he shouldn't even think of those two words in the same sentence.

"If you prefer... Do you want to have supper?"

"Oh no, I drank too much. I think I'm going to sleep now, if you don't mind."

"I'll bring you some sheets."

Severus rose up and went to his bedroom. He opened the wardrobe, then one of its inner drawers. He produced two sheets and a pillowcase, and laid them on his bed. He pulled a fuzzy blue blanket and a pillow from an upper shelf. Then he tried to think what else Harry could need. A nightshirt. Severus couldn't believe what was happening. It must be a dream. He opened another drawer and sighed. All his nightshirts were grey and old. Oh, Harry would have to be content with what Severus had to give him. Severus wasn't going to charm a nightshirt to look different from what it really was. Determined, he opened another drawer and produced a red towel. Trying to brush aside the image of a naked Harry wrapped on it - because the next image could be even more dangerous - Severus grabbed the heap of bedding and walked back to his office.

Harry was standing in front of one of the shelves of jars, and turned to Severus as soon as he entered the office. Severus laid the heap of beddings on the sofa.

"There is a toilet just in front of you. Pull that bookcase aside; the toilet door is behind it."

"Right..."

"If you want to take a bath, however, you will have to go through my bedroom to reach it."

"N-no. Perhaps tomorrow morning, if you don't mind. Now what I truly want is to go to sleep."

"I brought you sheets and a blanket. The nightshirt is too long for you, but..."

Harry came near and touched Severus's shoulder. "It's okay. Thank you."

"I, er..." Severus could barely speak. Perhaps he shouldn't have drunk so much. He pulled away, walked to a shelf and picked a phial. He took two small glasses, filled them with water from a gargoyle on the wall and added a few drops of the liquid contained in the phial. Then he handed a glass to Harry. "Drink this and you won't have a hangover tomorrow."

Harry gave a crooked smile, took his glass and looked at its content suspiciously.

"It doesn't have any taste. Go ahead," Severus insisted, and emptied his own glass.

Finally, Harry drank it. Then Severus collected all the glasses and started to wash them.

"Do you want some help?" Harry asked.

"It's not necessary. Go to sleep."

Harry shrugged and went to the toilet, taking the nightshirt with him. A few minutes later, the toilet door opened a crack and Harry poked his head outside. "Er, do you have anything that I can transfigure into a toothbrush?

Severus pondered and looked at his worktable, where a few ingredients were scattered, waiting to be sorted and bottled. Harry's arrival had disturbed his routine. Among the ingredients, there were a few branches of aconite, with beautiful blue flowers. Severus picked a branch and took it to Harry.

Their eyes met and, for a moment, Severus thought that Harry was going to embrace him like that night, a year ago. But no. Severus woke up from his trance and pulled away. Harry shut the door.

Severus finished washing the last glass and took refuge in his bedroom.

~* ~* ~

Harry awakened feeling oddly well and comfortable. Snape's nightshirt and blankets... Oh, yes. He was in Snape's office. With Snape's nightshirt. That thought started to disturb his comfort: his cock was threatening to react to the situation in an utterly embarrassing way. No, he couldn't let it happen.

He got up and went to the toilet, where he found his toothbrush transformed again into a branch of aconite. Harry smiled remembering the scene: Snape had given him a flower - one of the more surreal sights imaginable. Was Snape hitting on him, by giving him a branch of beautiful... and poisonous... flowers? Snape was so indecipherable...

Harry knew he couldn't stay longer there. _That_ feeling was beginning to wrap around his body and his soul like Devil's Snare. The more he tried to free himself, the more entwined he became. He had to do something, and now.

When Harry went out of the toilet, however, he found Snape setting the table for breakfast. Starving, Harry accepted the invitation and sat down at the table.

A fine Darjeeling, toast, butter, jam and cakes - not bad at all.

~* ~* ~

"Thanks for the breakfast, it was delicious. Now I think it's time to go. You must have work to do, and I don't want to disturb you."

Severus nodded and swallowed hard. Harry was leaving. His life would be dull and sombre again. He tried to convince himself that everything was going to be fine, because the Castle gave meaning and purpose to his life, but that lump in his throat wouldn't go away. Why couldn't he hate Potter?

"Er, are you all right?" Harry asked.

Harry, not Potter. He was Harry, and Severus wanted him. He had to do something to keep him there. "I was wondering if I should tell you or not."

"Tell me what?"

"Come with me." Severus led Harry through the dungeons corridors and then upstairs. Standing in front of the ruins, Severus stared intently into Harry's eyes. "I'm rebuilding the Castle. Look."

Severus saw surprise reflected in the younger wizard's eyes. It must be surprising, indeed, to see walls appearing where there were only scattered stones before.

"By Merlin's beard! What..."

"I put the Castle under Fidelius, and I'm rebuilding it."

"Alone?"

"Do you see anyone else here, Potter?"

"But you've gone nuts!" Severus only arched an eyebrow. Harry touched the Castle's walls, which were now as high as his stretched arms. He stroked the stones, emotion evident on his face. "Are you using only the old Castle stones?"

"So far, yes. Later I think I'll have to remove some stones from another ancient ruin and levitate them up here, because there aren't many undamaged blocks left. As you can see, however, the core of the walls is not made of solid stone, but of flint and gravel, added to a mortar that I prepare with the remnants of the Castle. These chains here hold the mortar in place. I prepare the mortar in those huge barrels over there."

"Madness!"

Severus shrugged. "'Without madness what is man? But a mere hearty beast, a postponed, procreating corpse?'"* Severus saw many emotions flicker across Harry's face, and was looking forward to hearing his decision. "Would you like to help me?"

Harry shook his head, at a loss. "You can't hide this from the Ministry. You have to ask their permission."

Severus snorted. "They won't give me permission. I am not a cherished figure in the eyes of the Ministry. To them, I will always be a former Death Eater. However, if you are willing to help me, we might gain support. After all, it's common knowledge that you are like a son to the Minister."

"I wouldn't be so sure. His real son... died because of me. Arthur Weasley is the last person I'd like to ask for a favour. Maybe you're right and we should keep this a secret."

_We._ A spark of hope flickered in Severus's spirit. "You are not to blame for Ron Weasley's death. You didn't know he would do what he did."

"Let's not talk about it, okay?"

Severus tried to read his expression. There was a lot of pain there, and Severus could recognise guilt when he saw it. But it was not the best moment to talk about that. "When the Castle is rebuilt, there will be little point in anyone objecting. With your support, we can hire competent teachers and at least a few parents will send their children to Hogwarts."

"But how long will it take, for two people to rebuild a huge Castle like this one?"

"Two wizards, Potter. Two of the most powerful wizards in the Wizarding World."

"Aren't we smug?" Harry joked. "How long?"

"About ten months."

"It's not a long time."

"So will you accept?"

"To work with you on the rebuilding of the Castle? But... I'd have to live here..."

"We can clean that dormitory in the dungeons I have mentioned before, or we can unblock the entrance to the dungeons where the Hufflepuff dormitories were located and restore them. But if you don't want to stay in any dungeons, we can find another place."

Harry looked contemplative. "I'll have to think about all that stuff. I don't want to make a hasty decision. I'm going back to my hotel. Since I don't have an owl, I'll have to find a way to send you a message letting you know what I decide."

A shadow of sadness passed over the younger wizard's features. Severus wondered if it was because of his owl, which had died in the war like almost all the other owls of the Castle. The boy was very fond of his snowy owl. Severus missed his owl too. Styx was a haughty eagle owl. She was discreet and very obedient. But now Severus didn't need an owl: the only person with whom he had any contact was Longbottom. The Floo was good enough to exchange a few words, and Dobby took care of the transport of objects. In spite of the Castle's destruction, most charms and wards that protected the site were still working. You still couldn't Apparate inside the Hogwarts grounds. "Very well, Potter. I will wait for your decision."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> * From the poem "Mensagem", by Fernando Pessoa.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter II**

 

 

Harry left, and Severus felt tense and apprehensive. He hated to depend on another person like that. The anger he had failed to summon before, when Harry was with him, returned, blended with a helpless despair.

One, two days passed. Severus tried to focus on the work on the Castle and his potions, but anxiety was eating him up inside.

On the afternoon of the third day, he was preparing an Erumpent poison antidote for Longbottom's Apothecary when he heard a crack. Someone was trying to break through his defensive charms. Severus nearly flew through the corridors and upstairs, wand in hand.

"Snape!"

A stupid, treacherous joy invaded him. "Potter, stop it now!" Severus pronounced the charm to let Harry pass the entrance door to the staircase, and waited a few steps down. Harry descended, bringing his broom and a trunk. "Why didn't you warn me you were coming?"

"It would have been too complicated, and I didn't want to waste more time."

"If you had warned me, I would have prepared a room for you."

"We can work it out."

"Come to my chambers. I'm finishing a potion."

Severus saw Harry drop his trunk and broom beside the sofa where he had slept three nights ago, and went straight to his laboratory, contiguous to his office. He lowered the fire and grabbed the ladle to stir the cauldron. When he verified the potion hadn't "over cooked", he lifted his eyes.

Harry was staring at him. "Can I help you?"

"It's almost finished. We have to decide where you will stay."

"Can I stay in that abandoned room you talked about? It seems the easiest solution."

_Close, but not as close as I would like_, Severus thought. Reproaching himself for his thoughts, he frowned. "Have a seat and rest. We will have to work hard."

~* ~* ~

Harry's future chambers were not so vast as Snape's - after all, as Snape had explained to him, as Head of House and Potions master, Snape was entitled to a large office and a laboratory. Harry would have only a small office and bedroom, both opening onto the corridor and interconnected. The bedroom had a bathroom adjacent. They had decided to clean only the bedroom and the bathroom for now, since Harry didn't have much use for an office.

They spent the rest of the afternoon removing spider webs and killing doxys with a non-toxic doxycide that Snape had invented. There were also some Bundimuns - luckily not so many that they couldn't eliminate them with a mere Scourgify. What made the cleaning task more difficult was that Snape wanted to keep everything he found to use in his potions.

In the evening, Harry, exhausted, took a bath in his new bathroom, while Snape went to his own. The bath was antique and luxurious, in green marble, and the taps were sculpted in the shape of serpents. Harry spent several minutes in the bath, relaxing. Finally, he wrapped himself in the new towel he had bought in Hogsmeade and went to his bedroom.

It was a nice bedroom, with a king-size four-poster bed. Snape had told him that all the teachers' chambers had a similar bed. The idea was that, if the teacher were married, their consort would be allowed to visit them. There was also a big wardrobe, a dresser and an enchanted window that lit his chambers during the day. It was sad not to have a real window, but, on the other hand, he wouldn't need to worry about security issues.

He was still dressing when Snape knocked on his door. "Potter!"

"What is it?"

"I'm going to reheat what I had for lunch. If I had known you were coming, I would have made dinner."

"But it's not necessary!"

"Go to the kitchens."

"Hogwarts' kitchens?"

"No, Potter. Malfoy Manor's kitchens!"

"Ugh, Merlin spare me!" A pause. "Are you saying the kitchens have been preserved too?"

"I've restored a great part of them. But I'm tired of yelling in the corridor. I will be waiting for you there in half an hour. I'm going to charm the doors to recognise you and allow you to wander wherever you wish."

"Will you let me enter your chambers?"

"Provided that you respect my privacy. It would be advisable to knock before entering."

"All right. I'll do that."

~* ~* ~

Severus had prepared a casserole. It was the best he could do impromptu with the chicken left over from lunch. He diced two carrots, two potatoes, two sticks of celery, one leek, two onions, garlic; added one bay leaf, a sprig of thyme, a sprig of parsley, one cup of button mushrooms, bacon, salt and finally the red wine. That was not the right way to prepare it, but he had no time to cook a real casserole.

Harry was clearly starving after all that hard work, and praised the food repeatedly. Severus had served a good red wine to go with it - his last bottle in stock. He would have to go to Hogsmeade that same week to replenish his stock.

They had dinner at a wooden table in the kitchens. It was a disturbingly intimate scene, but his cynical side wouldn't let Severus alone: _So that's it? Now you are the Golden Boy's house-elf?_ "Don't think your life is going to be easy here. There's a lot of work to be done," Severus grumbled.

"I know. I came here to work. I'll do what has to be done."

~* ~* ~

The next morning, after they had had breakfast in Snape's office, Snape showed Harry the plans of the Castle that he had drawn from memory, and explained to him, step by step, all the charms he had been using to reconstruct the Castle. They would have to prepare the mortar in the barrels, first levitating the stones to the barrels with Wingardium Leviosa, then casting a grinding charm, Opprimo, on them, and finally mixing water and sand with Misceo, a mixing charm. After that, the mortar would have to be placed with a Mortarwasi Charm, and fastened with heavy chains with an Incarcerous Charm. Finally, smooth stones were placed on the external surface with a Petrawasi Charm followed by Sticking Charm. All the charms were very complex.

It would be much easier if they could simply conjure the Castle! But, besides being forbidden by the Ministry, the conjuring charm would last only a few hours. A mere Reparo wouldn't work either, because the Castle hadn't been only broken in pieces. The heavy hexes that had been cast against it had modified those pieces. There was no alternative; they would have to reconstruct it stone by stone.

~* ~* ~

In the following days, they established a work routine. Whenever they could, both worked on the reconstruction of the Castle. When Severus needed to work on a potion, Harry would continue working on the Castle, or he would work in the garden, or go shopping in Hogsmeade - a task abhorred by Severus. Both took turns in the kitchen preparing and cooking meals.

Both were introspective and seldom talked; as they usually spent most of their time working, almost all their conversations referred to their daily work: "Tomorrow I'll have to prepare a potion for Longbottom"; "I'll take care of the greenhouse"; "We're going to need new plinth beams to support the northern wall", and so on.

At night, however, after they had dinner, exhausted, it became more and more difficult for Severus to contain his desire to grab Harry and... Severus didn't let himself think beyond that. Harry always arrived with his hair still wet from the bath, a scent of soap and warm skin floating around him... it was a torture.

On one of those nights, at the end of Harry's second week after arriving at Hogwarts, Harry gazed at Severus and said, "We're doing everything together and, er... we're getting along together quite well, aren't we?"

Severus arched an eyebrow. Where was Harry trying to go with that? "It hasn't been the disaster I thought it would be."

"So why don't we call each other by our first names? I like your name: Severus."

A shiver of pleasure ran through Severus's body. That shouldn't be happening. How could the mere sound of a person saying his name aloud arouse him that way? If every time Harry said his name he were to have a similar reaction, it would be better to forbid him! But Severus couldn't think of another good reason not to let him do it. "I can't see why not," he lied.

"And you will call me Harry."

"Yes, my Lord," Severus replied, a bit irked.

But when Harry widened his eyes and burst into laughter, Severus had to smile. It was nice to be able to laugh about it without fear. At least _that_ they had achieved by winning the war. Severus wasn't accustomed to making people laugh that way, with no malice. It had been completely unintentional, but he liked the feeling anyway.

~* ~* ~

One afternoon, they were tranquilly drinking their tea in Severus's office, taking a rest from their labour, when they heard strange noises.

Severus stood up immediately. "Someone's trying to break through our defences."

They hurried up out of the dungeons and stumbled into a short, funny figure casting charms with his wand.

"Filius!" said Severus.

The short wizard turned around and his face broke into a huge smile. "Severus, you naughty, mischievous boy! I knew you were behind this! And Harry Potter!"

"Professor Flitwick!"

"Behind what?" Severus asked, narrowing his eyes at his former colleague.

"Oh, you know... There's _something_ here. I don't know what it is, but this place is full of charms too powerful for me not to notice them."

"And what are you doing here, Filius?"

"Oh. I was dying of boredom and nostalgia. So I decided to take a walk, and ended up here. Things changed a lot after the war..."

Harry realised they would have to put Flitwick in the loop. He looked at Severus and knew that Severus was having the same thoughts. "Professor, we need to talk."

"Come and have a tea with us, Filius," Severus added.

~* ~* ~

Over a few slices of toast with cherry jam, they filled Flitwick in on the basic facts, and he was bouncing with joy. "Splendid! We have to call the girls. With their help, we can finish the work in two months."

"Girls?" Harry asked.

"Oh, you know how it is, we all are retirees now... I've been meeting Pomona and Rolanda quite a bit lately. Now and then, Sybill shows up too. They miss the old times at Hogwarts, and I'm sure they would be thrilled to come and help rebuild the Castle."

"Hmmm... Severus, if we repair the Hufflepuff dormitories, 'the girls' could stay there. As for Professor Flitwick..."

"There is more than enough space for all of them in the Hufflepuff dungeons," said Severus, who didn't want to see anyone besides Harry in the Slytherin dungeons. "I just can't see Trelawney living in a dungeon..."

"Oh, you are right; she wouldn't come," said Flitwick, laughing. "But I dare say she wouldn't be of great help here."

Severus couldn't agree more.

~* ~* ~

Their routine changed significantly with the arrival of the other three wizards. The Fat Friar was haunting the Hufflepuff dormitories again. Sprout took upon herself the care of the greenhouse and the garden; Hooch was always the first to volunteer to go shopping or transport things from here to there and back again. As they now needed to bring stones from other nearby ruins, her help was crucial. Flitwick was the fastest of all of them with charms, and worked enthusiastically and tirelessly.

Harry, Sprout and Severus took turns in the kitchen, where they had meals together.

With this work division, Severus could devote more time to his potions. He missed having Harry to himself with no one else around, but it was all for the Castle's sake! As Flitwick had said, at that pace the Castle would be ready in two months.

Every night, however, before they went to sleep, Harry would go to Severus's office, and they would drink a glass of Firewhisky and talk about their dreams and hopes for when the Castle was finished. Those were the most pleasant and at the same time the most disturbing moments for Severus. Severus often wondered if he should try something. However, the prospect of losing that friendly relationship was too painful, and the fear of rejection paralysed him. The truth was that that situation was completely new to Severus. Harry was making him feel as insecure as a teenager.

~* ~* ~

Two weeks after the arrival of the other wizards, on July 31st, they had a party for Harry. As Flitwick had been responsible for the decorations, they had a lot of cakes, colourful bubbles, fairies and candles floating on the air. Everyone gave Harry a present, except for Severus.

But when Harry passed by his office to say goodnight, Severus had a strange look in his eyes. He seemed to want to say something and not to know how.

Finally, he said, "Come in. I have something to give you."

Harry entered.

"Wait here," Severus ordered him.

Severus left through a door that led to an inner courtyard in the dungeons and returned a minute later carrying... a cage. Inside the cage was a beautiful snowy owl - resembling Hedwig, but smaller. Severus approached and handed the cage to Harry. "I thought it might be of use to you."

Harry's heart raced with joy, not merely because of the present, but because it had been Severus who had given it to him. With the cage in his hands, Harry looked at Severus, wanting to kiss him. However, he just mumbled a "thank you, I wasn't expecting it" before going to his own chambers.

~* ~* ~

Another two weeks later, a month after the arrival of Flitwick, Sprout and Hooch, all the external parts of the Castle were finished, including the turrets and towers. Now they would just have to add the final touches: to install and adjust the doors and windows, and finish the staircases. There was still a lot of work to do, but seeing the Castle from outside, as majestic and impressive as before, was a powerful encouragement for all of them.

Harry wandered through the Castle, reliving moments of his life. The Gryffindor dormitory, the Common Room... The one hundred and forty two moving staircases with their vanishing steps. Almost everything was there again. The portraits and statues were missing, but they would find other portraits and statues eventually. Would they find a portrait of the Fat Lady? The Dumbledore's old office didn't look the same without its portraits and weird objects. Maybe Harry shouldn't think of what they had lost. It was too sad. There would be new things to come. Maybe this time things would be better.

Later, on Severus's sofa, a glass of Firewhisky in his hands, Harry wondered how it would be when they could move to the Castle. Would his night talks with Severus have an end?

Harry had fallen head over heels in love with Severus, even more than a year ago. He couldn't even think of losing those few moments when they were alone together. Even if they never touched each other. Even if Severus remained as elusive and mysterious as always.

~* ~* ~

The sun was almost setting. Tired of hearing Severus complain that he needed a book on medieval potions that one of his students had stolen from him years ago, Harry had gone to Diagon Alley to search for it. Finally he located _Herblore_ on a dark, bottom shelf. He paid for it and was about to leave Flourish &amp; Blotts when he saw Remus Lupin coming into the bookstore.

"Harry!"

"Remus! It's been a long time!"

Remus gave him a quick but warm embrace. After Sirius's death, in Harry's sixth and seventh years, Remus had got closer to Harry. Oddly, with the end of the war, Remus had disappeared. "Let's drink a Butterbeer at the Leaky Cauldron, Harry!"

~* ~* ~

Remus told him he had fallen severely ill after the war, and the Ministry hadn't accepted him in St Mungo because of his "condition". So Remus had to go to a health care centre specifically for werewolves, where he stayed for several months. When he finally could go out, he didn't have a job or money. He had decided to work in Muggle London doing all kinds of jobs, and now he had got a job in a perfume factory, due to his exceptional sense of smell.

After about five Butterbeers, Harry had told Remus all about the Castle's reconstruction and invited Remus to go with him to Hogwarts. Remus showed enthusiasm but also concern about Snape's likely reaction to his presence. Harry said he would talk to Snape and everything would be fine.

Remus and Harry Apparated to the Muggle inn where Remus was living in London, and Remus packed his few things in a small trunk. Remus took his broom, an old Shooting Star, and they headed off to Hogwarts.

It was past midnight when they arrived at the Castle. Harry figured that, at that hour, everybody would be asleep.

~* ~* ~

Harry had warned them he wouldn't be at Hogwarts for dinner, but he hadn't come back _after_ dinner either. Severus tried to sleep, in vain. He couldn't stop wondering what could possibly have happened. At the same time, he reproached himself for that. It was ludicrous. Harry didn't owe him any explanation. Probably he had found something more interesting to do. Probably Harry had tired of his company.

Giving up sleep, Severus thought of working on some potion. But he was too nervous for that. He was wondering what he could do when he heard a noise coming from the corridors.

It should be Harry.

Severus cast a Disillusionment Charm on himself, went out to the corridor and waited, in the dark, in a corner from where he could see the door of Harry's chambers.

He watched in awe and horror when Harry arrived accompanied by Remus Lupin, and when both entered Harry's chambers.

~* ~* ~

In a state of shock, Severus returned to his own quarters.

_Damn you, werewolf. Damn you, Potter. And damn myself, for being so easily deceived again._

But they would pay for that.

Severus rushed out and through the corridor and knocked on Harry's door. He waited and waited. Nothing. He knocked again, louder. The door opened just a crack, and Harry's face appeared. "Let me in," Severus snarled.

"Er..."

Severus pushed the door open with all his might, and came across Remus Lupin in pyjamas languidly lying on Harry's bed.

Fury took hold of Severus.

"Get out, now. I don't want a werewolf in my dungeons," Severus hissed between gritted teeth.

Looking startled, Lupin got up.

Harry flung himself at Severus. "Severus, don't do that."

"Don't do what? Are you afraid I might hurt your _sweetheart_? I wouldn't touch a hair of his head... or body, by the way. I just don't want to see him here, in _my dungeons_. And you can leave too. Get out."

"Severus..."

"Harry, let's go. Haven't you said _our friends_ are in the other dungeon? Let's go there." Lupin grabbed his trunk. "Pack your things."

Sigrid, the snowy owl Severus had given to Harry, hooted sadly in her cage. Severus thought of taking his present back, but he restrained his impulse: that would provoke further turmoil, and now Severus only wanted the nightmare to end as soon as possible, so that he could take refuge in his chambers.

His arms crossed over his chest, Severus waited for Harry to finish packing. Now and then Harry turned to look at him, and Severus glared daggers at him. He didn't want to hear another word from that treacherous mouth. Those who believed that snakes were treacherous didn't know Harry Potter well enough.

~* ~* ~

Remus was welcomed by everybody in the Hufflepuff dungeons, where there were a lot of spare chambers. Alone with Sigrid in his new bedroom, Harry wondered what he had done wrong.

Would Severus listen to him? Would he ever understand that they had arrived late in the night and Harry had decided that it would be better Remus to sleep in his bedroom, since his bed was large enough for the two of them, instead of waking up Flitwick, Hooch, Sprout, or even Severus?

But why did he owe Severus any explanations? Severus didn't have any right to have done what he did! So, why was Harry feeling guilty? Guilty and crestfallen.

~* ~* ~

Lupin joined the work and, in less than a month, the Castle was ready. They had no books or equipment for the students; they would have to try to obtain sponsorship or donations for such things. Now the time had come for the political contacts and negotiations. For that night, however, they had planned a small party in the Great Hall, to celebrate the end of the work.

Severus, who had spent the month sulking and fuming, wasn't in the mood for celebrations. He wouldn't go to any bloody party.

He had just opened his second bottle of Firewhisky and filled another glass when he heard a knock on his door. "Who is it?"

"Severus, I need to talk to you."

The werewolf. How did he dare to descend to the dungeons? Severus reprimanded himself for not having put defensive charms on the entrance of the staircase. "Go back to your party, werewolf."

"Severus, don't force me to shout from here what I have to tell you."

Over his dead body, thought Severus. Rage boiling inside him, Severus opened the door. "Spit it out."

"Let me in. I won't be long."

Reluctantly, Severus stepped aside, but he didn't invite the other wizard to sit and certainly didn't offer him a glass of Firewhisky. Standing up, Lupin ran a hand through his hair, which was becoming greyer and greyer. "Harry is suffering because of you."

"What are you talking about? What is this nonsense?"

"Severus, if you hurt him, I'm not going to forgive you or myself. But I'll tell you this: only you can be so blind as to not see he's crazy about you. And it's obvious that you're crazy about him too. Otherwise you wouldn't have had that fit when you saw me in his bed. You cut him out of your life for the silliest of reasons. I..."

"Get out. I haven't given you permission to intrude into my personal life. Furthermore, I have nothing to do with Potter and his problems."

"I've said what I came here to say. Don't be stubborn, Severus. There's nothing between Harry and me besides the most innocent of friendships. And Harry is crazy about you. I suspect he has been since his seventh year."

Lupin left, and Severus emptied the glass in one swallow. He poured another one.

~*~*~

The party was in full swing, and Harry should have been happy. They had achieved their aim. This was the culmination of three months of hard work. Time to celebrate.

Harry had already moved to his new chambers in the Gryffindor tower. Nearly Headless Nick had greeted him cheerfully. The next day, they would begin discussing the details of what they would have to do next: the bureaucratic procedures, the political moves. But nothing really seemed to affect Harry, deep inside. He was feeling far away from everything, again. How could just one person do that to him? It wasn't fair.

They had decorated the Great Hall especially for the party. The walls had all been covered in sparkling glitter, with garlands of flowers crossing the starry black ceiling. A dance floor had been set up in the centre of the Hall. The four House ghosts were there together. Peeves, who had been throwing buckets of cold water on everyone, had been driven off by the Bloody Baron. Trelawney (who had joined them, now that her tower was available again) was talking to Binns at the other end of the hall. In the centre of the dance floor, Flitwick danced with Hooch, and Sprout with Remus. Harry sank into an armchair, in a dark corner, drinking his white wine and wanting to disappear.

Suddenly, however, the front doors were opened and a dark figure entered stumbling into the Hall. Harry squinted to identify who it was. The figure stopped at the centre of the dance floor, forcing both couples to stop. Then the dark figure turned to Harry and staggered to him.

Harry almost couldn't believe that it was Severus. Completely drunk. Harry sat up in his armchair, just in time to see Severus reaching for him and collapsing on top of him.

Harry held him so that he wouldn't fall.

"Harry. I want you. Please, be mine."

His heart racing, Harry stood up, lifting Severus with tender arms. "Come with me. I'm going to take you to your chambers."

"I'll go..." Severus drawled "... only if you stay with me."

"I'll stay, Severus. Let's go."

Under the astonished and amused gazes of the other wizards, witches and ghosts, Harry left the Great Hall holding Severus by his waist.

 


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter III**

 

Severus stopped in the middle of the staircase, sat down on the steps and pulled Harry to his lap. A wave of desire pulsed through Harry's body. Severus leant forward and took his lips in a searing kiss. Severus was such a good kisser! His lips were warm and soft, in spite of smelling of Firewhisky. Harry was melting in his arms; he had always dreamed about being kissed by Severus. However, it wouldn't be wise to shag a drunken Severus in the staircase... He struggled hard against his impulses and dragged Severus downstairs.

They zigzagged their way up the corridor. Here and there, Severus would stop and retrace his steps.

"C'mere, Severus."

"Harry, you won't leave me again, will you?"

"No, Severus, I won't."

"Because... Look, where are you taking me?"

"To your bedroom."

"Are you going to stay with me?"

Harry sighed. "Yes, I've already told you I will."

"You're so... exquisite..." Severus pressed Harry's body against the wall. "I never thought I could want another wizard like this. I want... every piece of you."

Harry embraced him again. "Then let's go to bed, Severus."

As if Severus was a child, Harry held his hand, and Severus let himself be led through the corridor. Finally, they arrived at Severus's office. Harry shut the door carefully, while Severus tried to hug him.

"Let's go to your bedroom," said Harry, holding Severus by his shoulder.

As all the dungeons' doors had been trained to recognise Harry, he easily opened the door to Severus's bedroom and pulled Severus inside. Severus, by his turn, pulled Harry to the bed, and both fell onto it.

Severus was clearly aroused, but he was also becoming a sickly green.

"Severus... are you feeling unwell?"

"I'm going to..." Severus stood up and staggered to the bathroom. Harry held him and led him along. Severus arrived just in time to throw up into the loo.

Harry helped him to wash his face in the sink and took him back to bed.

"Damn, everything is spinning," Severus growled.

"Stay put. I'm going to fetch your anti-hangover potion."

Luckily, Harry remembered where Severus used to keep the miraculous potion. He poured a glass of water, added the necessary drops of potion and returned to Severus's bedroom. He found Severus still very pale and trembling. "Drink it, Severus."

Severus sat up on the bed and buried his face in his hands. "Harry, please make the world stop spinning."

Harry smiled. "Unfortunately I'm not as powerful as you think."

"Yes, you are. I've never seen a wizard as powerful as you. Neither Albus nor the Dark Lord were so powerful."

Harry handed Severus the glass again. "So trust me: drink this and you'll feel better."

Severus emptied the glass, then slid beneath the sheets. Harry thought it better to let him sleep with his robes on. He took his own dress robes off - it might be very uncomfortable to sleep with them on. Then he removed his glasses, put them on the bedside table and, in underwear, he slipped beneath the sheets beside Severus.

After all, he had promised to spend the night with Severus.

~* ~* ~

His consciousness returned slowly, very slowly. A strong and sour taste of Firewhisky was in his mouth and on his breath; his throat was dry. Then he started. There was someone in his bed. He could feel the presence, he didn't have to see. More than that: there was a leg brushing against his.

He turned around.

Oh, no. What the hell was Harry Potter... ?

Remembrance hit him like a shower of ice water. Severus stood up abruptly and went to the bathroom. He turned the tap on to fill the bath, determined to drown himself.

How would he be able to face his colleagues after _that_? But... what exactly had he done? He vaguely remembered having burst into the party and fallen down on Harry. Oh, the humiliation.

But what had he done after that? He had thrown up; Harry had given him a potion. The images weren't clear, though. Had they... no. He wouldn't still be wearing his robes if they had, would he?

He took off his robes and sank into the bath planning never to get out.

~* ~* ~

"Severus! Are you all right?"

Severus wasn't going to answer, even if the Dark Lord had risen from the dead and Apparated there.

"Severus, please, answer me!"

The brat could shout as much as he liked. It wasn't going to make any difference.

"If you don't answer, I'm going to break in."

Damn you, Harry Potter. "What is it, Potter?"

And this time it was Severus who waited in vain for an answer. Losing his patience, Severus climbed out of the bath, dried off and slipped on his green bathrobe. "What is it, Potter, can't a wizard have a bath in peace in his chambers any more?"

Harry was there, in front of him, in his briefs, and instead of confronting Severus, he seemed to shrink. The most powerful wizard in the world seemed to crumble in front of Severus.

"D-don't do that. Please."

"Don't do what?" Severus couldn't believe Harry could really be afraid of him.

"Don't send me away again."

So fragile, so vulnerable. How could Severus not be moved? He reached out for Harry and pulled him against his chest. "Harry..."

"You've sent me away twice, and I've survived, but I can't take another one. Don't ever send me away again, please?"

Ah, it felt so good, Harry's body against his, Harry's scent... "I waited for you when the war ended. You never came. You left for Europe," Severus complained.

"I thought you didn't want me."

"I couldn't have you. I was terrified. And you were my student." Severus grabbed his shoulders fiercely. "Don't you understand?"

"I thought it was only an excuse, because you didn't want me."

Severus lowered his face and buried his nose in the curve of Harry's neck, spreading kisses and licks over the smooth area. Harry turned his head to give him full access. "Ah, you have no idea... All this time... You have no idea... You don't know what you do to me."

"And me? How do you think I felt when you booted me out because you thought I was with Remus?"

"You _were_ with him."

"But not the way you thought."

"What else could I have thought? He was in your bed!"

"Er, Severus, can we do something better than fight?"

Severus wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulders, the other around his back and, lifting him in his arms, laid him on the bed carefully. Harry reached out and pulled the rope belt of Severus's bathrobe, opening it. Severus lay on top of Harry, still in his bathrobe.

Severus touched Harry's face with his fingertips. Harry separated his lips. Severus closed his eyes and, lowering his face, brushed Harry's lips with his. Harry lifted his head, perhaps searching for Severus's lips, but Severus was now savouring the delicate skin under Harry's ear.

Severus took his time. He could hear Harry's heart beating fast, and continued brushing his lips on Harry's face in feather-like caresses. When Harry pulled Severus's face towards his, Severus knew he was only waiting for this invitation.

Severus sealed his lips to Harry's. They were so smooth. Severus tasted them, tracing them slowly with his tongue, then pulled back.

Letting out an impatient whimper, Harry opened his eyes. "Are you ever going to kiss me?"

"I thought that was what I was doing. Impatience won't get you anywhere."

"You tease!" Harry sighed. "Hmm, your hair is wet, and this scent on your skin..."

"It's a blend of ylang ylang, cinnamon, vetiver and ambrette musk."

"It's delicious," Harry whispered, holding him by his neck and pulling his face down to capture his lips.

Harry's delightful tongue was exploring his mouth, and Severus entwined his own tongue with it. Harry moaned beneath him. Severus moved to lie half on top of Harry, to be able to touch him all over. His hands travelled down the younger wizard's arms and found the slender hips. Severus's fingers dug into his flesh and squeezed its firm sinews and muscles.

"Oh, Severus... Make love to me."

"I thought that was what I was doing," Severus repeated, unable to hold the smirk.

Harry was trying to tear off Severus's bathrobe. Severus helped him, getting rid of the last piece of cloth that covered his body. Harry was still in his briefs, and that would have to be remedied... soon. Severus didn't want to rush the process. Plunging his hand into the unruly hair, Severus captured Harry's lips again. This time the kiss was not subtle and teasing as before. Now Severus tongue explored and invaded, ravishing that delightful mouth. Harry moaned and writhed, pulling Severus towards his body, rubbing his cock against Severus's thighs. The enthusiasm of Harry's response sent shudders through him. Severus spread wet kisses all over his neck and chest, while his hands circled Harry's nipples. Then he lowered his lips to take a rosy nipple into his mouth. Harry sank his nails into Severus's back and groaned. Severus lifted his head to gaze at him. Harry was also gazing at him, his eyes clouded with desire. Without taking his eyes off Harry, Severus swirled his tongue over the pebbled nipple, and Harry's expression filled Severus with an emotion beyond description.

_He wants me. This young man, the most powerful wizard in the world, the son of James Potter, wants me. And that is not as astonishing as the fact that I want him too. I want him more than life itself._

Slowly, Severus's hand touched Harry's inner thigh. Harry squirmed, searching for more contact. Severus smiled.

"Severus, please."

"Do you want me to touch you? Here?" Severus asked, cupping Harry's cock through his briefs.

Harry bit his lower lip. "Oh..."

Severus knelt beside him and lowered his briefs, exposing Harry's beautiful hard cock. Then he moved his face towards the silky, rosy flesh. "Are you going to let me taste you, Harry?"

Harry arched his hips towards Severus desperately, but said, "Uh, I want our first time to be with you inside me."

Severus lay down again, snuggling closer to Harry. "You are proving to be a very authoritarian lover."

"Did you have... many lovers?"

Severus slanted at Harry. "Not as many as I could have," he replied, brushing Harry's hair of his face delicately. He stared at Harry intently, in expectancy. "The Dark Lord demanded exclusiveness."

Harry rose up his head and chest, propping up on his elbow. "What?!"

Severus smiled inside. If Harry knew the truth... "That was a joke. It seems I have succeeded in slowing you down."

Harry sighed and lay down again. "Slow me down? You petrified me. Don't ever do that again."

"Are you going to keep bossing me around, giving orders all the time?"

"Look, it's just that I've always imagined it would be like that, our first time: you inside me. I had a... I had a boyfriend in Bulgaria. But I never let him top, because I couldn't stand the idea of being taken by anyone besides you."

"You had a boyfriend... You were thinking of me while you were... with him?" Severus hooked a leg over Harry's, making their cocks rub against each other.

"Don't be cruel. I couldn't help it. I used to think of you every day and every night."

Severus closed his eyes and buried his nose in the young wizard's hair, drinking in his sweet scent, nibbling his earlobe. "If that's how you want it, that's how it will be, my Lord," Severus whispered in his ear.

When Severus raised his head, Harry was smiling. Severus kissed him again before kneeling on the bed to open the bedside drawer and produce the phial of lubricant. After pouring a good portion of lube on his fingers, Severus stroked the little curve that led down into Harry's cleft, searching for his entrance. He started to draw circles around the sensitive area with his fingertip while playing with Harry's balls.

Feeling Harry relax, Severus pressed the tip of his middle finger inside. Harry held his breath for a moment, and then let it go. Harry's muscles tightened around Severus's finger when he started to slide it in and out. So hot, so tight... Severus inserted a second finger and rubbed his face on Harry's cock.

"Oh God," Harry moaned. "If you don't stop that, I'm going to come before you take me."

Severus pulled his face away and continued to move his fingers inside Harry, scissoring them, and then flexing them slightly. His own cock was aching hard. He wouldn't be able to last much longer.

Severus removed his fingers from Harry's warmth, coated his cock in lube, spread Harry's legs apart and put them on his shoulders. "Is this how you want it? Face-to-face?"

Harry nodded. Severus was very happy to oblige him. He took position between Harry's cheeks and slid inside with a smooth thrust. He felt Harry tense, and tried to slow down. He knew that the magical lube was very efficient and hoped there would be no pain for Harry, only an initial discomfort. It was an amazing sensation, to be completely enveloped by Harry's warmth, by Harry's firm muscles. Severus searched Harry's face with his eyes, and saw nothing other than trust reflected there. When Harry thrust towards him, Severus let a hoarse groan escape and thrust hard towards Harry. Suddenly, Severus was fully within Harry, his balls rubbing against Harry's arse. Oh God, that was heaven. Severus began to set a rhythm, and saw Harry's body flushed and covered in sweat. Once again, he marvelled at Harry's beauty.

Severus abandoned himself to the wild rhythm of their bodies. Harry jerked up towards him, panting, and Severus didn't know if the moans he was hearing were coming from Harry or himself. When he saw Harry arching up his whole body and shaking convulsively, his semen spurting high, an intense joy filled him, and he could surrender to the waves of pleasure that engulfed him completely.

A few minutes later, Severus finally returned to earth. He lifted his head from Harry's chest and lay beside him, wrapping a possessive arm around his waist.

"It was better than my wildest dreams," Harry whispered.

"You have never given me the credit I deserved," Severus complained. Harry replied by pinching his arse, and Severus slapped him with a pillow. "It was my first time with a man."

"What?" Harry paled, looking as if he was going to faint.

"It's true."

"How come? You mean... you weren't... you're not..."

Severus smirked, and Harry clenched his fists. Severus put a finger on Harry's lips. "I had slept only with women before. I don't know if that makes me a bisexual, or if now I've changed my orientation. Such labels are rather stupid and useless."

Harry grimaced. "Women?"

"Don't tell me you are a misogynist!"

"Of course I'm not, but... which women?"

"I can assure you that your mother wasn't one of them. No need to be concerned about that."

Severus saw Harry relaxing and letting out his breath. "Who, then?"

"You have no right to ask me this."

"It's not fair. I told you about Anton."

"Well... the only one that you knew was... Narcissa."

"Ugh, that..."

Severus slapped him with a pillow again. "She is an extraordinary woman."

"Did she betray Lucius with you?"

"Oh, Lucius had a different lover every night. He didn't pay attention to what was happening in his house. Narcissa was my informant too. In exchange, I protected Draco."

"Do you still see her?"

Severus felt a lump in his throat at seeing Harry insecure and with trembling hands. "Of course not, foolish boy. She went to France in the middle of the war, don't you remember? She had to take Draco away from Lucius, or Draco would have been forced to become a Death Eater. He wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for her."

"Er, Draco is not your... Is he?"

"Don't be absurd! Doesn't he look just like Lucius?"

"Oh, it's just that, after that revelation, I don't know what to expect from you. Do you still love her?"

"I am monogamous, Harry. If I am with you, it is you and only you," said Severus, searching for Harry's eyes.

The smile returned to Harry's face. "Now I understand better why you... why you took so long to..."

"Oh, let's have breakfast, shall we? Don't forget that I didn't eat anything last night. I'm starving."


	5. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 

Having solved his problems with Severus, Harry felt more self-confident and ready to face his tasks related to the Wizarding World. After all, he had managed to "tame" Severus... All the other tasks seemed a piece of cake compared to that.

He had gathered his courage and finally had gone and talked to the Minister. Arthur had been thrilled to see Harry again, and had invited him to lunch at The Burrow. All the Weasleys had welcomed him. Harry had always felt guilty for Ron's death, and it had been comforting to know that the Weasleys didn't blame him and still loved him. After some negotiations, the Ministry had approved the reopening of Hogwarts with a minimum of interference. In addition to that, the Ministry offered to equip the school, help in the assembling of a new library and rebuild the Quidditch pitch. Arthur had suggested Tonks for the post of Transfiguration teacher, and Tonks had accepted. Grubbly-Plank had agreed to teach Care of Magical Creatures. While September had already begun, they decided to open the school immediately. The Ministry authorised them to make up for the lost days of classes by extending the term until the end of June and first week of July. The first term was going to be a little chaotic, but it was better to start working now than leave the children another year away from Hogwarts.

Now Harry, Severus, Remus, Sprout, Flitwick, Hooch, Trelawney, Binns, Grubbly-Plank and Tonks were assembled in the Great Hall. A heated debate has been going on for more than six hours. Harry was starting to fear that they might take more time to decide about the school rules than they had taken to rebuild the Castle. They had already decided that Sprout would be the Head of Hufflepuff, and Flitwick of Ravenclaw. The first point of divergence referred to the election of the Headmaster. Harry stated that Severus should be the Headmaster, since Severus had been the responsible for the Castle's reconstruction. Remus claimed that Harry would be a better choice. However, if Harry were to be Headmaster, someone else would have to be the Head of Gryffindor. And Severus didn't want Remus either as the Head of Gryffindor or the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.

That was not the only disagreement. As a good follower of Salazar Slytherin, Severus defended the idea that Muggle-borns shouldn't be admitted to Hogwarts. In response to Harry and Remus's protests, Severus argued that those who were assembled there were struggling to preserve magical culture against its dissolution into Muggle culture, which was already in process. That Hogwarts should be a bastion of resistance against the Muggle culture.

Harry had to stop and think. Severus had a point there. But... hadn't they fought against Voldemort to stop that kind of prejudice? How could they ban the Muggle-borns now? No. If they wanted to preserve the Wizarding World culture, accepting Muggle-borns at Hogwarts would only help to spread their ideas and traditions. What was important was that they would be able to transmit their traditions.

Determined, Harry rose and made a passionate speech pleading for the acceptance of the Muggle-borns at Hogwarts. Everyone applauded him, except for Severus and Trelawney.

The Divination teacher said they were challenging Fate, because she had seen in her crystal ball that the Muggles were going to wage a war against the Wizarding World.

Severus left the meeting with a brooding face, grumbling, "You will see. History will repeat itself. Don't say I didn't warn you."

~* ~* ~

Later, in Severus's bed, Harry embraced him, pushing the whole length of their naked bodies together. "Are you angry?"

"Yes, I am."

"But you're not going to give up, are you?" Harry insisted.

"Don't worry, I will accept the decision of the majority. But don't ask me to keep silent. I want to have the freedom to voice my opinion that you are all fools."

"We are fools, but we are _your_ fools."

Severus grimaced. "The only fools with whom I am willing to make the effort to work."

Harry smiled. "So, even believing it's not going to work, you're willing to begin again. Is that so?"

"Have you ever heard of Sisyphus, a king condemned forever to roll a huge stone up a hill in Hades only to have it roll down again on nearing the top? I understand his tragedy very well now. What else can I do? I accept my Fate. I am prepared, Harry. Yes."

_'Yes' _wasn't a word often associated with Severus. Harry brushed Severus's hair out of his face and stared at him silently, overcome by emotion.

~* ~* ~

Severus gazed at his young lover. How weird to want _that_ now. Especially in such a delicate moment. Everything about this relationship was weird. First, that Severus could have fallen for a man - and twenty years younger than himself. Then, that Severus could have accepted him into his bed, without regretting it for a second. And now, just when he should be feeling humiliated because his political position had been defeated, he wanted to take a step further. He wanted it more than anything. "Will you do as you promised or not? I want to know the pleasure of being a bottom and having your hard cock in my arse. Fuck me."

Harry narrowed his eyes at him. "Language, Severus. And you got it all wrong."

"Teach me, then. What shall I say? 'Take my virginity. Make me a man.'?"

Harry burst in laughter. "Wrong again. No wonder you didn't have much success with women."

"What are you saying, brat?" Severus hadn't been insulted like that since the Marauders' time. "For your information, I used to be the Slytherin Sex God."

"Well, that must've been a long time ago. I'm going to teach you."

Severus pinned him against the mattress. "Arrogant brat. Tell me I'm not a good lover."

The way Harry looked at him, his eyes glazed with desire, was already an answer, but Harry cupped his buttocks gently and said, "I don't know about Slytherin, but you're _my_ Sex God. Now just lie face down and let me take care of you."

~* ~* ~

Severus couldn't say anything else, because Harry was spreading his legs apart and pushing his tongue into his arsehole. Severus had never felt like that in all his life: so vulnerable and so loved at the same time. It was such an intimate caress, and Harry was so affectionate. Severus's cock hardened immediately. A soft moan escaped from Severus's throat as that wicked tongue started to press against the walls of his hole, stretching it, filling it.

When Harry removed his tongue, Severus felt empty and aching for more. Soon, however, Harry was sliding a finger coated in lube in and out of him, in smooth movements that Severus followed with tension, expectation and fascination. Another finger was added, opening him, going deeper and deeper. Suddenly, Harry flexed his fingers and a jolt of pleasure made him see stars, comets, galaxies... Ah... So that was how if felt. "Merlin's beard, Harry, that shouldn't be allowed."

Harry's smug laughter blended with the stars. "I think you're ready."

The magic fingers left him, but Severus knew there was more to come." Harry... I want to see your face while you fuck me." Severus turned around to face Harry, and saw his lover's cock pointed towards him, rock hard, its tip glistening with a drop of pre-come. Severus loved to see what desire was doing to Harry. Desire for him. Harry wanted him that much.

"Severus, your vocabulary continues to scare me," said Harry. Severus wasn't able to reply, because the rigid and silky flesh of his young lover was pressing against his entrance.

The first thrust seemed to squeeze all the air from his lungs. It seemed unbearable, too uncomfortable, but he wanted it to be good for Harry, he wanted it to work out. He wanted it so much that he thrust hard towards Harry.

"Severus!" Harry's hoarse voice seemed to hold Severus like an anchor. Watching Harry's concentrated look as he pulled out and thrust in again, Severus relaxed. Everything was going to be all right. He knew that. Now Harry was sliding in and out easily, and murmuring unfinished sentences as "God, you're..." and "I want..." and "Severus, please" whenever Severus thrust towards him. Severus was feeling powerful under his lover. How stupid were those who considered it humiliating to be the bottom. How could they think...

Severus couldn't think any more either, because Harry changed his angle and hit his prostate, making him see new twinkling stars and hear his own husky voice moaning and murmuring incoherent words.

He pulled Harry against his body, making their bellies touch, and Harry retaliated closing his fingers around Severus's cock. When Harry plunged in again, the combination of the two sensations, Harry pumping his cock and hitting his prostate, was too much for Severus: his release was deep and intense, and he let himself be taken, holding Harry fiercely while Harry spurted his hot semen inside him.

They lay there for a long time, basking in the afterglow. Harry's head was resting on Severus's chest, his dishevelled hair touching Severus's chin. Severus twined his fingers in his lover's hair; the other hand rested on Harry's back. A decision started to form in Severus's mind. He took a deep breath. "I drop my case, Harry. Lupin is right. We need a Headmaster who can attract students to Hogwarts. I am not that man. I will settle for being the Deputy Headmaster, and Head of Slytherin. Lupin can keep your insufferable Gryffindors."

Harry lifted his head to look at him. "I wanted you to be the Headmaster. I'd rather be just a substitute Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, or a Quidditch Assistant to Rolanda. Don't you think I'm too young and inexperienced to be the Headmaster?"

"You are more experienced than many wizards five times your age. Besides... whether you want it or not... I will be with you."

"Why did you change your mind so suddenly?"

"I am a Slytherin, and I have just discovered that being on top is not always advantageous," Severus mused.

Harry flashed a radiant smile, looking smug and embarrassed at the same time, and suddenly life, in its eternal recurrence, in its apparent futility, didn't seem so unbearable to Severus. Perhaps there was a chance that something good would remain of all that hard work and toil, of all that insanity.

 

**The End**


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